I am a determined person. I refuse to submit myself to change. I will change only if I want to.
A bomb hit my world 12 months ago, and now my life is 360 degree from its original point. I hate to admit this, but I hardly recognise myself these days. Not only my perspectives about life change, but the bugs in me are also adapting to its new habitat.
There is one universal truth that applies in new parenthood: you need to go through the pain to make your gain. You cannot avoid the ‘pain’ of your journey because your struggles are what will fuel your growth.
Today, I want to share with you the two biggest lessons that I learned so far from early parenthood.
# 1 Success is within reach, only if you let it be
I am a highly conscientious person, so I always put in 100% in all my endeavours.
Hence it is no surprise that I carry this inclination into motherhood. I always want to be a mother, so I care about whether I meet this goal.
I invest more than my effort, time, and energy in my role as a mum. I put my hope, dream, and pride on the line. I have too much to lose if I fail, so success is not a choice but a ‘must’ for me.
Struggles are necessary for growth. But not all pains help you stretch yourself in a useful way.
An example of a useless ‘pain’ that I inflict on myself is when I sleep-train my daughter. I tune out from our oneness by absorbing what others say about what I should be doing. So the more I try sleep-coaching my little one, the more fightback I get from her. It feels like I am trying to teach a cat how to toilet train when it doesn’t want such lesson at the beginning!
Success is easily attainable. The secret is to have patience. When the time comes, things will fall in their rightful place. Adding a unessential component to the flow will only add obstacles and hindrances to success.
#2 Relationship requires continual shower of love, care, and patient
My husband and I are romantically close. Hence, we sincerely believe we are invincible. Even to the invisible force that governs new parenthood.
Soon, I realise that no one is immune to the challenges of adjusting to being a parent. In fact, having a baby is like taking a required test that requires patient, love, and care.
Following the birth of our daughter, our speeches start to clash more frequent. We don’t discriminate where nor when our conflicts happen though. We let them take their natural flow, and we deal with the consequences later.
Once, we go with my sister-in-law to a university open day, and a surge of emotional tsunami hits us.
I dry my eyes using the sleeves of my icebreaker while I pace quickly before my husband can catch up with me. Unlucky for me, my husband’s legs are faster than mine, and soon he was behind me.
‘Why did you give me that kind of attitude!’.
‘What’s wrong with you!’
‘Do you want a cup of coffee or not!’ My husband breaths the words out of his mouth in a dry and lifeless way.
‘Do you want or not? Last offer!’
‘FINE. Yes, okay. And a slice of cake too!’ I raise my voice and give him a sharp but serious look.
We both break into a laugher. ‘Ass, why you are so demanding!’.
I respond using my right hand to whip my husband’s bottom. ‘That’s what you deserve for making me angry…’ I whisper under my breath and give my husband a cheesy grin.
‘You make Ann cried, you know?’
‘What! I thought you yelled at her.’
‘No, she thinks we have relationship problems, and we will get a divorce. She is sensitive so she can feel how tense we were earlier.’
Oh, my dear. I thought to myself. Although my sister-in-law is almost 18-year-old, her innocence is still intact. Although she doesn’t understand adulthood, she knows what problematic relationship looks like.
The more I think about this incident, the more uneasy I become. The thought of separating with my husband makes my body feel paralysed.
I couldn’t shake the feeling off my mind in the following days. Two days later, my daughter breaks her spiderman plastic bowl by dropping it a million times. Suddenly, I click. I realise that things will break if you keep applying force on it, even if you think the item is unbreakable.
Change is inevitable in life. The change gives me goosebumps, but it makes me feel good after my skin settles. Happiness requires us to take struggles raw and head-on. Doing so makes us appreciate the preciousness and sacredness of our blessing.
I am very blessed to have a husband who is willing to forgive and forget, and love without having a boundary.<div class='sharedaddy sd-block sd-like jetpack-likes-widget-wrapper jetpack-likes-widget-unloaded' id='like-post-wrapper-128381483-738-5a8f45b2def2b' data-src='https://widgets.wp.com/likes/#blog_id=128381483&post_id=738&origin=thelaland.com&obj_id=128381483-738-5a8f45b2def2b' data-name='like-post-frame-128381483-738-5a8f45b2def2b'><h3 class="sd-title">Like this:</h3><div class='likes-widget-placeholder post-likes-widget-placeholder' style='height: 55px;'><span class='button'><span>Like</span></span> <span class="loading">Loading...</span></div><span class='sd-text-color'></span><a class='sd-link-color'></a></div>