Like a pro, my baby fought sleep again.
It was a disaster recurring again at our residence.
Here we go again. My husband would whispered into my ear as I tried my best to rock while breastfeeding my baby to sleep (I really don’t know how I managed it to be honest!).
It feels crazy having to combine these two tricks together. Not to mention, tiring.
I did it anyway because you have to do what it takes to survive. That’s surviving motherhood 101, by the way.
But, as I turned off the light (as I was sick of her being a baby), I got rid of the distractions mentally and visually, I started to see my baby rolling herself around me and clapping: yes, she was trying to be a professional baby again.
Just in case, you are wondering, being a professional baby, in my husband and mine’s dictionary, it means to be as naughty as they could be possibly be while pushing their parents’ buttons to the max.
As I lay on my bed, my baby started to talk in her own language while rolling her head on my body. I suddenly felt like replying to her and kiss her because it was too cute to resist!
But, I resisted that temptation anyway, because (1) I’m pretty good at self-discipline (2) I really want my baby to sleep, badly (having tried for 2 hour, it’s hard to resist this feeling).
I cannot help but smiling and feeling like I’m falling in love with her even more though. Why does she have to be so cute while being a professional baby?
Then, I realised that I’ve switched my gear from feeling annoyed to loving the moment! My disciplined self still insists that I need to keep sticking to my usual reaction, but today, I chose to not listen to her.
This situation would normally make every cell in my body feel drained. It was clearly an un-cherish-able moment that I wouldn’t normally cherish.
But today, I chose to cherish this un-cherish-able moment. I realised that by doing so, I actually, am on a path of least resistance to enjoying motherhood.
It may be easy for other situations, but not for motherhood. For example, it is easy to follow your morning routine when you wake up as it allows you to get ready for work/study using the least amount of effort and time.
But in motherhood, the goal is different. It’s a different stage of life. It’s not just work or study you are dealing with. It’s your overall life.
Following my default setting, I found that I got caught up being angry and sad because nothing is up to my expectation or how I like it to be. Maybe, it’s because I’m suffering from neurotic perfectionism.
I don’t know.
What I know is, swimming against the current was my path of least resistance in life because my life finally has a purpose and it is so meaningful to follow that quest.
Yes, you guessed it.
My quest in life now lies with my baby. Wherever, whatever it takes to make me feel the most pleasurable, happy and contented, lies with my baby.
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