Since becoming a mother for the first time, I realised how motherhood is not really an easy gig to pull off like what I thought previously.
Surviving one day at a time was my motto to get me through to the next day and makeshifts are my new besties.
Like you, I didn’t know a lot and I was confused, scared and felt overwhelmed with the sudden change (though expected) in life.
It is easy to call someone else mum (or dad), but it is surely hard to have someone else call you mum (or dad).
My cousin once told me that it is easy to call someone else mum (or dad), but it is surely hard to have someone else call you mum (or dad). It really is… bloody true! Now I am going through it so I fully understand what he means, every word.
It didn’t help that I was a perfectionist who has so many should’s and must’s in her rule book; and I tend to get stressful quite easily.
As you can imagine, these make the ingredients for disaster in motherhood.
- I cried… because of no apparent reasons as well as of stupid reasons.
- I argued…with everyone including my baby, husband, parents, and even myself.
- I complained … about stuffs that really don’t matter much in the scheme of things.
- I got angry … with everyone including myself.
Enough said. You get the idea.
Most of the struggles I was going through were not inflicted by others: it was because of me.
But then, one day I realised how stupid I was. Most of struggles I was going through were not inflicted by others: it was because of me.
I was the person who kept thinking that everyone is the problem, where in fact, it was me.
Once I made this realisation, I started to see the light at other side of the tunnel. Instead of wasting my energy drowning myself in negative thoughts, I could use it wisely on my daughter, enjoying her playfulness, innocence and naughtiness.
Also, the more I give thoughts on my situations, the more I realised how I am fortunate: I’m very lucky to have a baby to hold in the first place and surrounded by abundance of supports (whether the support is helpful, is another question).
Motherhood has really redefined me as a person because it taught valuable lessons in life. Nothing in life (especially in motherhood) is not really black and white so we cannot label something as right or wrong.
I’m a naturally curious person so I like to read and do a lot of research so I can expand on my knowledge which in turn, allows me to be the know-it-all person (from my perspective). To show everyone my expertise, I always volunteer my opinion, sometimes without invitations, and at time, I would label things as being black or white.
But since becoming a mum, I learnt there isn’t a right or wrong thing in life and most importantly, in motherhood. Whether something is right or wrong depends on the person in question: what is right for her or he may not be right for another person.
It only makes me less resilience if I keep my defining things (and people) this way. The motherly truth that I figured is: you need to do whatever it takes to maintain your sanity and health in motherhood and in this particular situation, I adapted my views of the world to fit with my situation.
As you can imagine, it took me quite a while (not to mention, countless arguments and endless tears) to finally understand and accept this motherly truth.
It has been a steep learning curve for me. Motherhood really taught me lifelong lessons and made me a better mother, wife, daughter, citizen, employee and most important of all, a better me. The newly improved Sok is here to stay.